Looking at Birthday Through Another Lenses

The day someone was born will be most of the time considered as a special moment and worth the celebration. It makes sense because it’s the mark of a person’s existence in this world and for many families the presence of children is a blessing. When the children grow up, most of them are accustomed to the idea that birthday is a special celebration because it’s the day they “arrived” to the world. Also, having another year added is believed as a new opportunity and new phase in life. Later on, how birthday is perceived would be varied into two major point of views, which are the basic idea of giving thanks for another year or a new phase in life and the "advance" idea of a specific moment to have fun celebrating their life. People love birthdays, they like to make it as the moment for doing something different remarkable. Thus there are many routines and habits related to celebrating birthdays.

 

[...] the basic idea of giving thanks for another year or a new phase in life

and the "advance" idea of a specific moment to have fun celebrating their life.

Speaking of birthday celebration routines, I’d like to (personally) differentiate them into two types of celebration which are birthday moment and birthday party. Pardon me for my limited knowledge on vocabulary regarding this matters, hahaha.., but hopefully the description will makes it more imaginable later. Birthday party refers to celebrating a birthday in a festive way with big celebration as in the word party already describes itself. I don’t think I have to elaborate more about this kind of birthday celebration, this is effortlessly visible, hahaha.. Then there’s this "birthday moment" type of celebrating birthday. People celebrate it by having a meal together with friends or family, or doing some charitable things for example to orphans as an act of giving thanks by giving back. Well, actually there’s another one, the last type of birthday celebration is by not celebrating it with a certain visible form of celebration which most people are used to. I guess, from all of those routines, the second type of birthday celebration is more common in society because not everyone holds a party but most people would like to gather with their family or friends to have a feast at a restaurant or home (at least from what I've experienced). And for me? I used to live with the second type of birthday celebration because that’s the kind of the standard in the society and the "birthday party" type is just too “big” for me.

 

Despite the difference between those two types, the first and second type of birthday have these same routines, preparing a birthday surprise and present. This birthday preparation routine can sometimes lead to people being very invested in the preparation activity. Driven by the feelings of caring for their loved ones, family and friends tend to want to give special things for birthdays. It does make sense and is indeed good and touching. The effort in loving their family and friends especially in birthday celebrations has been like a way of showing that they value the relationship. It can be considered as a form of love language, right? And later on this behavior (of preparing birthday surprise and presents) has been a habit or let’s say the unwritten requirements in celebrating a birthday.

 

This birthday preparation routine can sometimes lead to people

being very invested in the preparation activity.

And later on this behavior (of preparing birthday surprise and presents) has been a habit

or let’s say the unwritten requirements in celebrating a birthday.

Before I talk further about my personal view on the concept of celebrating birthdays, let me share some of my personal experience and why I have a different take on it. Long story short, my birthday years ago was spent “silently”. Everyone from every circle in my life coincidentally forgot it. I was also struggling with my bachelor thesis that time, wasn’t at my best and being “left alone” on my birthday led me to discovering questions about the purpose of birthday and it’s celebration. This condition led me to get closer with my own self. I found out that it’s actually not always really necessary to make a birthday “visible”. My birthday is indeed about celebrating me, it is my day, but this time I would like to make it more as a journey in reconnecting to my own self (concerning: identity, soul, mind, feelings, existence, purpose of life etc.) and how am I going to move further. I figured out that I was often living my life by instantly following society’s traditions and trying so hard to become kind in such an unhealthy way (e.g. pleasing people, belittling myself) because at certain point, being accepted in the society feels safe and seems like a survival method. This moment made me review my life goals and personal needs.

 

That self-reflection has transformed me to somehow lose my interest in celebrating my birthday the same way again with people giving me surprise, cake and presents. I personally see neither benefit nor goal by continuing to do such celebration for myself. All those years, I had been doing it only for the sake of tradition and pleasing other people who like to do that tradition in order to preserve what people like to call as togetherness (which unfortunately despite the quantity doesn't always determine the quality). At this point I plan to live my birthday by getting closer to my inner self and God (in a personal measurement of course, not those perfectly preacher’s standards, you do know what I mean). That moment I felt like I should celebrate my birthday with something more useful in order to make the extra time given by God for my existence in this world has a more positive impact both for myself and the world I live in. I want to be more useful and become a more genuine person, recharging myself. 

Somehow I began to lose interest in celebrating my birthday the same way again

with people giving me surprise, cake and presents.

I personally see neither benefit nor goal

by continuing to do such celebration for myself.

All those years, I had been doing it only for the sake of tradition and pleasing other people

who like to do that tradition in order to preserve what people like to call as togetherness

(which unfortunately despite the quantity doesn't always determine the quality).

I was ambitious, thinking quite grand that time by replacing the previous birthday routine with more social activities such as sharing certain awareness in social media about issues that matters (e.g. gender equality, animal sheltering, eco-friendly movements. etc) and trying to give donation to the organizations related. Doing simple good deeds was my goal back then and I want people around me doing it as well for my birthday present. Instead of people spending their money for buying me cakes and presents, I feel better when they use their money to help me help other people and the environment. Even if they only join me to share a certain social awareness on their social media, it’s already a gift for me and values more or let’s say as much as the high price of the present and cake. Their willingness to support a good matter with me is already special since them being supportive already feel meaningful for me. That’s already how they could celebrate my birthday with me. No need for a festive approach on my birthday because I couldn’t feel it anymore anyway.

 

Their willingness to support a good matter with me is already special

since them being supportive already feel meaningful for me.

That’s already how they could celebrate my birthday with me.

No need for a festive approach on my birthday because I couldn’t feel it anymore anyway.

Since life is such a challenging thing, my goal is also to try my best in seeking inner peace for surviving this life. I’m also aware that I’m a human with limited capabilities, hence I realized that I can’t rely only on my own prayers to reach my goal in searching for inner peace and becoming a better human. So, I decided that another thing I need for my birthday is simply prayer from people (or wishes, because some people might be atheists or agnostics). Those things are addressed directly to The Owner of The Universe, God. For me it would be the best way (once again, for me) because what I need on my birthday is the power to live my life and asking it directly to God is on the first list of the wisest things to do. With people helping me create let’s say…  this specific "proposal" moment to God, it would already be an amazing gift. Then let God do the rest. Prayer or wishes can be done everywhere at any time zone, I guess it's a simple favor to ask. I'm aware some people already pray for me at other circumstances and I'm grateful for that, so I believe it wouldn't be a burden to do it again. It will still be as special as present or cake. I want to repair my life on my birthday, so self-development is what I seek, their mental support is what I needed the most, not the material support.

So I decided that another thing I need for my birthday is simply prayer from people […] .

Those things are addressed directly to The Owner of The Universe, God. For me it would be the best way (once again, for me) because what I need on my birthday is the power to live my life and asking it directly to God is on the first list of the wisest things to do.

With people helping me, by also asking for that to God would be an amazing gift.

The conclusion for that 2015 deep thinking was my birthday routine will be something to help people and to help myself for the sake of inner growth and create a better environment. So, for the next year I already told my family and friends this new way of seeing birthdays and that they don’t need to put much effort for my birthday, all I need is their support and prayer. Most of them understood and proceeded it that way for my birthday. However not everyone accepts this kind of different approach, some would still consider that I’ll be feeling lonely without the “traditional” celebration, which resulting in me still getting stuff that I’ve planned to avoid. Without any mean to disrespect the effort given, but this made me sad. Being misunderstood was never a convenient experience, right? Instead of feeling not lonely, I felt even more lonely because, my plan for my own “thing” was sort of easily brushed away, I wasn’t “heard” properly. Turned out it was difficult to introduce my new point of view. Long story short (again, hahaha…) in that period of time I was totally exhausted. However, I’ve grown up better and have less disappointment now. Nevertheless it makes me become more skeptical about birthday celebrations, hahaha..

However not everyone accepts this kind of different mindset.

There are people who consider that I’ll be feeling lonely without the “traditional” celebration [...]

Instead of feeling not lonely, I felt even more lonely because.

my plan for my own “thing” was sort of easily brushed away, I wasn’t “heard” properly.

Later on I started to review the way people have been celebrating birthdays. The routine is birthday surprise + cake + present, pretty standard in this world actually. That is something quite normal tbh. It looks like it highlights someone’s birthday more and I agree at some point. But my concern is that during the process of preparing this routine, I feel like it’s treated as a repetitive project, no offense. Since some people tend to Idk.. treat it close to unhealthy obligation or ambition in making people happy. They’re invested more in the routine, not the human they’re celebrating. Seems like the success of the birthday routine project is what means the most because it’s considered equal to the happiness of the birthday person, while actually it could be riskful in terms of fulfilling the self-validation meter as a good friend. Being called or counted as a good friend is so satisfying, feels like success, right? In this world, being kind and loving are always preached and praised, no wonder people try their best to do so. But unfortunately, the line can get blurred between wanting to be categorized as kind and wanting to do kindness, one revolves around the subject and one revolves around the object. Balancing both things can be tricky sometimes.

But my concern is that during the process of preparing this routine,

I feel like it’s treated as a repetitive project, no offense.

Since some people tend to Idk.. treat it close to unhealthy obligation or

ambition in making people happy..

They’re invested more in the routine, not the human they’re celebrating.

Seems like the success of the birthday routine project is what means the most

because it’s considered equal to the happiness of the birthday person,

while actually it could be riskful in terms of fulfilling self-validation meter as a good friend.

 

Regarding birthday celebration routines, I find nothing is wrong if people want to celebrate more “festive”-ly or with certain tradition or visible symbolism as long as they won’t be swallowed in these routines and unconsciously be pulled away from the essence of why they’re doing it in the first place, which is loving and celebrating their loved ones, not celebrating the routine itself.  There’s nothing wrong in investing for such a preparation as long as that’s what the birthday person necessarily wants and enjoys. Not everybody fancies a surprise event or in need of a birthday present. Some people are also more of a private person which makes surprises or parties too much for them to take. I also found some people actually don’t feel comfortable with people suddenly coming to visit their private space and often they’d try to avoid surprise parties directly and indirectly even if it’s actually a familiar tradition for them. On the other hand, some people who are more used to it become aware and familiar with the pattern, so the surprise is no longer a surprise, it’s predictable already. People will wait for the birthday surprise party not for the interesting plot twist effect but more to fulfill the routine and satisfy the people preparing it, simply letting them finish the birthday “mission” or just for the sake of tradition. At least based on my own observation that’s how I discovered it. No offense if any of you have different or better experiences, good for you.

There’s nothing wrong in investing for such a preparation as long as

that’s what the birthday person necessarily wants and enjoys. Not everybody fancies a surprise event or in need of a birthday present.

Some people are also more of a private person which makes surprises or parties

too much for them to take. I also found some people actually don’t feel comfortable

with people suddenly coming to visit their private space and

often they’d try to avoid surprise parties directly and indirectly even if

it’s actually a familiar tradition for them.

On the other hand, some people who are more used to it become aware and familiar

with the pattern so the surprise is no longer a surprise, it’s predictable already.

 

This long post makes me seem like I have such a negative view of celebrative birthday routines, doesn't it? If I do, I’m sorry in advance. I just want to relieve a certain burden that’s been occupying my mind for years while probably giving a different point of view about birthdays that might resonate well with some people out there too. As much as we want to give the best for our loved ones, it won’t hurt just to consider their preferences since it’s their day. The point is not merely on how successful our preparation project is, but more to “Are we successful in celebrating the birthday person as a human?”.  Also, as the person who’s celebrating birthday, if you can sense the genuine love and care from the birthday presents and cakes it’s fine. If those celebrations fill your energy and heart, well then it’s good, thank God. Find what suits you the most as long as it is a positive thing for yourself. I hope you can have a blessed birthday. :)

As much as we want to give the best for our loved ones, it won’t hurt just to consider

their preferences since it’s their day. The point is not merely on

how successful our preparation project is, but more to “Are we successful

in celebrating the birthday person as a human?”.

Now I don’t think as grand as my 2015 self because I was trying so much to repair myself that I ended up overplanned and got overwhelmed. People are not always on the same page with me in terms of sharing social awareness too, haha.. but I can’t fully blame them tho’. People are busy with their life and growing their own goals while maintaining their own focus in life. I’ve accepted and understood people’s circumstances more and not as ambitious as I was in becoming a “model citizen” (just kidding) anymore, hahaha.. I’ll just let it flow in my own path and keep trying my best to manage my self growth. However, I still cannot embrace the common birthday routine with presents and cakes. I’ll keep celebrate my birthday simply with people’s prayers and wishes. That’s enough already, God knows my plan and goal and will accompany and complete me in The Almighty’s own way.

I’ve accepted and understood people’s circumstances more and

not as ambitious as I was in becoming a “model citizen” (just kidding) anymore, hahaha..

I’ll celebrate my birthday simply with people’s prayers and wishes. That’s enough already,

God knows my plan and goal and will accompany and complete me in The Almighty’s own way.

 

I hope this can add more perspective about seeing a birthday. Whatever way you choose to celebrate your own birthday or your beloved people’s birthday, I hope it does work for you and them. The way I see and do it might not look as fun, but I never have any intention to make you all also do it in my way. I just want to share my thoughts and experiences about how overwhelming and misunderstood birthday routines can be. It is indeed possible for such things to happen. May you all have a blessed birthday, whenever it is and however you choose to celebrate it. Stay safe and healthy! God bless you..